Honest Thoughts Of Being 45 Years Old

Today, I am 45 years old.

I am officially making my request known to the world for some Pecan Log Rolls from Stuckeys! LOL! (I also like Strawberry Cheesecake.) None of that fancy, dessert stuff for me. And no real cake, as I'm not that fond of it for myself personally. My family knows that all I ever want for my Birthday is Pecan Log Rolls or Cheesecake, that’s just how I roll… (No pun intended!)

Birthdays always make me think of when I was younger, when the Granny’s were still alive and well, and me back where it all began at home with them. And now it’s mostly me thinking of where I've been, where I’m going and how I love to spend my time alone and with those who mean the most to me now days.

I think about what my Grandmother’s were doing at age 45. Both of them always seemed to have an abundance of energy during those years and were quite successful in their lives. They keep that pace up even into their later years. Life was good to them physically and mentally as they both lived into their 90’s, and that was amazing.

At age 45, I don't feel quite the same at 45 as my Grandmothers did I don’t think. After fighting off Bronchitis and Pneumonia for nearly 2 weeks, I'm left with some sort of an odd, excruciating pain in my lower right lung that comes and goes semi-daily. Normally though, I do have an abundance of energy at my disposal. It's not easy for me to sit still, I'm not happy unless I'm doing or thinking about something.

At age 45, I haven't traveled the whole world. In fact, the farthest I've been from my home here in Mobile, Alabama, is Mexico City, Mexico. I have been to many cities and states in the U.S. though and for those travels I am grateful.

Yet, now thanks to the Internet and Social Networking sites I have friends and acquaintances in many countries and states. Places I could and probably would never visit but yet I know these people. I would happily admit I have dear friends across the globe and that is more than enough for me at this point.

At age 45, I have had regrets. I have had fun and many wonderful times. I have loved and lost. I have partied my ass off. I have been bored and I have been boring. And I have had many a sleepless night. I have had lovers. I have had casual friends and not so casual friends in my life. I have made very bad mistakes and I have done great things. I have been successful and I have landed flat on my face in failure. I have been a best man. I have wasted a lot of my life. I have broken the laws of man and those of God and have regretted and asked forgiveness for all. I have learned and forgotten many things. I have been truthful. I have wondered about and questioned a lot of things. I have been an alcoholic. I have wasted a lot of money. I have tried to commit suicide and I am glad it did not happen. I have been a good friend and a not so good a friend. I have been deceived and I have deceived someone. I have asked God Why? And then thought to myself it is not for me to ask God Why? I have believed and I have doubted. I have been a good lover and I have been not so good a lover. I have been a good son, and not so good a son. I have been “in love” once and have loved three times. I have been tested and I have tested others. I have been engaged six times and married twice. I have lied and I have been lied too. I have been angry and I have hated. I have felt fear and I have been brave. I have been a good grandson and not so good a grandson. I believe in the future. I have cried. I have laughed out loud. I have been selfish and at times I been very giving. I have snorted when I laughed. I have been depressed. I have been happy. I have been a good family member and not so good a family member. I have been melancholy. I have shared with others and then did not share with some. I have been sick and I have been healthy. I have felt alive and at times felt completely dead inside. I have pee'd in my pants. I have felt pity for some people and not for others. I have felt old. I have lived in the past.

At age 45, I have been and I haven't been a lot of things.

At age 45, I have felt and I haven't felt a lot of things.

At age 45, I have done and I haven't done a lot of things.

At age 45, I am not perfect.

At age 45, I am alive.

At age 45, I still have time.

Happy Holidays to you and yours and may God’s blessings be abundant for you this Christmas season.